Avalanches and the human condition:
The definition of loneliness? Standing at the top of a fresh avalanche.
"Fuck!"
Sure the word is a way of capturing your attention; it was also the echo in my head when the snow cracked around me. It is several weeks since that moment, and my first attempts at writing about it certainly helped. However, something has been gnawing at me. So, I am coming back to the keyboard in the hope of figuring it out. While I am at it, I will also try and establish how to not be in that position again.
What has got me in knots? Well, it goes like this. Not only do I know how avalanches work, but I have also taught others how to avoid them. Let's also consider that I was with my son. He is the most important person in my life and a reason I get out of bed in the morning. There was plenty of motivation to make smart choices. The thing is that in Avalanche Training, we recognize how the human element is potentially the most significant ingredient in an avalanche. However, I think we may be over-simplifying the human condition. We talk of heuristics and offer it up as a panacea. How many people understand what the word heuristics even means, let alone how they work? What is being referred to are "heuristic traps," where a heuristic is a "mental shortcut that eases the cognitive load of making a decision." (Wikipedia) There are just as many heuristics that allow us to make the right decision.
"More specifically, heuristics are usually thought of as shortcuts that allow decisions or solutions to be reached more rapidly and in conditions of incomplete or uncertain information—often because they do not process all the available information. Decision heuristics have been studied in different research traditions, primarily one that has focused on when and where verbally described heuristics can break down and yield biases, that is, deviations from classical norms of rationality, and another that has investigated how specific computationally modeled heuristics can exploit structured information to yield fast and accurate decisions."
P.M. Todd, in International Encyclopedia of the Social & Behavioral Sciences, 2001
For me, the telltale word in this statement is "rationality." When dealing with avalanches, there is an assumption that people come from a place of rationality until proven otherwise. We assume the line seduced them to ride it because it was enticing. I think it is more complicated. We do not like to talk about or explore issues of mental health. They are taboo, yet we live in a time and place where mental health is a real issue.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports, in 2018:
Since 1999 suicide rate has climbed 35%
Suicide is the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34. It is the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54. (CDC)
Depression affects 20-25% of Americans ages 18+ in a given year. (CDC)
There is one suicide for every estimated 25 suicide attempts. (CDC)
Also:
Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment. (NAMI)
An estimated quarter-million people each year become suicide survivors (AAS).
There were more than two and a half times as many suicides (48,344) in the United States as homicides (18,830).
https://save.org/about-suicide/suicide-facts/
Please do not take me the wrong way here. I am not saying that people are committing suicide in avalanches. I am just acknowledging that those indulging in winter pastimes may not be at their most rational. Let me give you a little context from our experience in December.
Like all of us, the new COVID norm has impacted us. We stopped skiing last March due to the stay at home order - thankfully, we did get out in the summer. Cai has not been to school since, and I worked from home for four months. Another factor that plays heavily in our story is that Cai's mom Kimberly, had a chest x-ray to investigate a cough last March. It revealed large masses in her lungs. Although we have been divorced for three years, Cai and I opened up our home, and she has been living with us since. Suddenly Cai went from having the house to himself for several hours a day to having two parents "in his space" 24/7, one of whom has cancer. All of our lives changed. We each ingest a daily lesson in the truth of mortality. We all have to make significant compromises with regards to being in the same home. There is a weight that did not exist last year. I know others feel this because I witness it in the chaos manifesting from political and social tensions and issues in the last six months.
All this impacts our time in the mountains. Let's be real; the mountains are my church; they are my solace; they are my therapy. I have known this for many years. I may not have been so aware of how, during certain times of angst or weightiness, my presence in them may not be fully present. If I consider it, many of my more memorable mountain moments, the ones that shaped me, were during these periods; the solo escapades, in particular, come to mind. So as I reminisce, I put two and two together. I hatched some of the adventures that made me who I am when I was not "rational." There is a tension here between wanting to be as present as a meditating monk and yet not being aware of the real motive or able to reason fully.
As we were skinning up to the pass in December, I was very conscious of the instability. I was also feeling the need to be there, the desire to feel the place's power; traditionally, it brings me clarity and relief. In those moments, I did not make the right call. Cai says things along the same lines. "I can speak up too, Dad; it was just as much on me to say something." Many of us know of incidents involving friends or people we admire that weigh heavily on us, yet we were not surprised. We knew the person or people involved were searching, and adventure helped them find something they could not elsewhere. When we see someone with mental health issues, we may not know how to assist in the same way as someone with trauma; I believe this issue has its roots in the same place.
So if I have established that I might not be making the best decisions at times, does that mean I should not be there? I would suggest I need to be, so that is out of the question.
As I ponder more on it, there has to be an answer. I believe there is. Rituals!
We all have them; the thing is, they need to be seared into all our more risky practice. When climbing, I always check to double-back the buckles on my harness. I make sure my shoes are tied correctly, are clean, and that my knot is secure. I also check my partner's harness, tie in, and the rope is suitably attached to the belay device. I do this without thinking before I set off. I involve my partner in the process. I am sure it is these habits that keep us out of trouble. Checklists help some, yet, they are incomplete. It is easy to create a checklist to remind you of what to pack. It needs to be more robust for rituals. It must be procedure-driven; for a lot of these, we have to collect and assimilate data. For instance, beacon checks can be a simple test to make sure they are on, or they can be a chance to see how your beacon works with your partners. How far apart are they when they come into range? Checking the weather is one thing; making choices based on what you find out is another entirely. There are daily rituals to perform throughout the season, even if you are not going out. Others performed the day before and those the day of snow-time. Watch a guide, and they fill their day with rituals from the breakfast meeting with peers to the mental checklist before setting clients off down a line.
So what am I going to do? I will sit down and figure out all the rituals potentially involved in backcountry skiing and make a list. Then I am going to make a system to collect data. Doesn't that sound like something we already use: the AIARE field book? Sure, however, I think I need to do it myself to figure out all my own rituals. I need to contemplate what they all are and what they involve. Feel free to comment; this is still an idea in the making, and I want to make it as thorough as possible.
See you out there, hopefully, in a healthy frame of mind and with a system in case you're not.